My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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