idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
