he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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