i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
