I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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