I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
