we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
