I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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