So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
