True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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