you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
