I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
