How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
