no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
