twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
