So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
