I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
