so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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