in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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