but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
