i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize