Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
