Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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