She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
