I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
