I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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