and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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