is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
