based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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