Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
