there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
