I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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