I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
