if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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