I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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