So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
