Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
