"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize