Porn is love you can see.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
