i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
