The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
