I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
