just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
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I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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