How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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