I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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