arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
