and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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