I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
