Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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