taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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