He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
