Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I will pee on everything he values.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
