I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
