Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
