it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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