I'd wear matching sweaters with you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
