hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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