every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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