LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.