I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.