I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.