I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers