don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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