omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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