I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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