I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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