So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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