so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You are the jesus of drinking
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize