he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
